Waiting...

Ok, so I'm already getting impatient! I want it to be January already! I had another negative test today, which I assumed. I had stopped taking my progesterone last night because I didnt think I would get a postive. I just want to get moving to the next cycle. I wont be trying this cycle, but I will have a CD3 ultrasound to check on my ovary and tube. I dont want to worry about the meds this cycle because I think I just need a break from the emotion before surgery and IVF.

Tonight I hung out with my sister at the kids basketball games. I sold my first headband! I can't wait for the games at the highschool because I think I will sell a lot more. There will be more people at those games. That will be after the new year. I have considered getting one of those jackets where you just open it up and your goods are displayed (like the guys that sell the stolen watches on movies) haha.

Earlier today after hanging out with the worlds greatest momma, I visited at my sisters house. She babysits in her home for a living. Right now she is watching two of my cousins that are babies. One is like 7 weeks old, his name is Jayce. He is very adorable and I got to give him his bottle today. The other is Logan who is like 11 months old. He is a miracle baby that give me more hope than anything right now. His momma has endometriosis too. They weren't sure if she would ever get preggo but it finally happened NATURALLY! While I dont have the patience they have, its still inspiring. He is also cute as can be! I was burping Jayce and he came over and started patting his back! It was adorable.

Wow its weird to think that this time next year I may just have a baby of my own. What will he/she look like? My life will be so different!! And my dr says 50% chance of twins, yea my life wil be DIFFERENT! lol I cant wait until my first ultrasound. It will be exciting to see how many babies are in there! Instead of counting eggs! haha

I guess i shouldnt be surprised!

WOW. Life really knows how to throw it at ya. I found out tonight that a close friend/co-worker is pregnant. I really didnt need something else to deal with at this point. Please let me be pregnant. Please. Tomorrow is 8 DPO and im sure the test will be BFN again, but i guess im looking for a miracle. Not sure how much more my emotions can take!!! GRRRR. When will it be my turn!? I think i have been patient enuf already! Im done being patient! I find out wed if i get to do ivf and when. Also if i have to have another surgery first.

I HAVE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING SO BAD!

Sorry this post is so  depressing but it helps me to vent! I have been staying pretty strong! But now ive cracked. I hope i have the strength for tomorrow.

Snow please close the roads so i can stay in bed all day.

Decisions, decisions!!

I really wish I could go back to when I was a kid. Life was so much easier! (Even though I didn't think so then! LOL) The hardest decisions we had to make were what to play with, who to be friends with, what tv show to watch... MAN that is the life! Now I'm a big girl, in the middle of my big girl world. AND I WANT OUT! haha

Ok on to the decisions I have made and have to still make. First off, I decided to cancel this months IUI. It started because Bob just learned today that he has to work on Saturday, and the IUI was scheduled for Sat. But I was thinking about it, and I dont feel like stressing over it this month. We are going to still try "naturally" lol.

Now for the next decision, I'm calling my RE tomorrow to ask for an IVF consult. I think this may be our best option. Bob has told me to do what ever needs to be done! My left tube was open 4 months ago and its already gone. So I just keep wondering, when will the right tube be taken over by Endo? I need to get pregnant ASAP. The good news is my between my insurance, HSA, and 401K (if needed) I think most of the IVF will be paid for and we will be able to afford at least one try at it! I am just way nervous that it wont work! Wish me luck!

On top of all this I think im getting sick. I can't get sick! I am coaching basketball and our first game is sunday!!!

Todays appointments

AHH I don't even know where to start. I got good news and bad news today.

First this morning I had my cd11 ultrasound to check for follicles. This is the part where to good news comes in. I had two on my RIGHT ovary (the good side lol). One was 13mm and one was 18mm. The 18mm is perfect size for cd11 and it will probably be the one to ovulate. I will do my trigger shot on Thursday and IUI #3 on Saturday.

But my left side is another story. In the US she saw some small follicles on that side. And then there was a large area that she couldnt tell exactly what it was. Could be endometrioma (endometriosis growing in/on the ovary) or hydrosalpinx (fluid filled fallopian tube).

Next I had to meet my dr over at the hospital in the radiology department for my HSG (hysterosalpinogram). THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL THINGS I HAVE EVER HAD DONE!! I had to lay on a table while she injected contrast dye into my uterus. We get to watch the dye flow thru my uterus and tubes on a continuous xray. (which was pretty cool!) The pain started when the dye was flowing through and felt like super intense cramps, like the ones that sent me to the ER twice. The procedure was over in a few minutes, but felt like a year! haha Afterwards we went thru the pictures. My left tube is blocked and there is some sort of "pocket" on that side. We are just going to watch it and see if it goes away.

Now that hydrosalpinx is not just bad because the tube is blocked, but it can drain fluid back into the uterus, which can keep you from getting pregnant. So.......... next month she is going to put a plug at the end of the tube to keep that from happening.. Yep thats right, another procedure. But will increase my chances by like double.

So basically half of me is kinda working. I guess I have to be greatful of that. Im going to beat this!

Here goes nothin!

So this is my first blog! I decided to do this after reading some friends' blogs. Seems like a great stress reliever!

Anyway today im super nervous about my dr appointments tomorrow. First I have an ultrasound. Its my cd11 follicle check. We are having the US early this cycle because last cycle i got my surge on cd12 and had to have an emergency IUI the next day. (on a sunday at that) What im praying for is my right ovary to have a dominant follicle. The last two cycles I have ovulated from my left side, which is the side with the possibly blocked tube. Also during my second surgery the dr had to free up my left ovary and tube from a bunch of scar tissue. So basically if my tube is blocked and I keep ovulating from my left side, I WONT get pregnant.

My second drs appointment is my HSG. For this they will fill my uterus with fluid and watch on a continuous x-ray to see if the dye flows through both tubes. Its a minor out patient procedure, but I may have bad cramps afterwards. This will give us some answers.

At my last appointment my RE brought up IVF. That makes me so nervous. Not because I think I will be octomom, because my clinic only transfers 2 embryos. But the reason it makes me so nervous is its like pulling out the BIG GUNS. If I do IVF and it fails, where does that leave me? I never thought this would be me. But we gotta do what it takes! I have some tough decisions to make over the next few days/weeks/months.

On a positive note, I have a massage and adjustment scheduled tomorrow afternoon at my chiropractor. Its like the best thing ever! lol But seriously Im needing it after all this stress.

Wow this is all just rambling, but like I said, this is my first blog ever!