The Good and The Bad

Lets start with the bad news and get it out of the way.... I went in today for my Embryo Transfer (ET) and found out that only one of my babies continued to grow properly. So, instead of being able to transfer two embryos like we planned, we transfered the 1. I have been very sad about my other kiddos not growing properly but Im really trying to keep my head up.

Now for the good news! Im PUPO! (pregnant until proven otherwise) I have my 7 cell embryo snuggling in my uterus right now and that is amazing! I have never had a baby growing in me (that i know of). I already love the little clump of cells! My one embryo that did make it to the proper stage is a 1.5 rating which is really good. (1 being the best) So we have a lot of hope that this one sticks. My only concern now is that blasted hydrosalpinx tube on my left side. I pray that it doesnt harm my embryo.

Well here is my baby and check out my new "PUPO" ticker up top i added for fun. Its funny at this point because it says something about being a clump of cells on their way to my uterus" Cute lol

The dr said its showing early compaction, which is an awesome sign, means something about how the cells are starting to comunicate. Also, they performed assisted hatching. Its basically when they make a slit in the outer shell of the embryo to help it hatch (which will happen in the next few days)

Thank you to everyone that has been supporting me. I am very blessed!

Tomorrow I will be a Mommy!!!

I cant believe it! Tomorrow morning my babies will be growing!!! This will be the first time I can say I have my own babies! I have never had a positive pregnancy test, so I dont even know if conception has ever occured. Those babies are already loved beyond comprehension! Im soooo nervous and excited, that im not even scared of the actual procedure.

So Im pretty excited about all that, but Im also excited for my friend who is also struggling with IF. She will be going to the dr soon and getting a plan for surgery and treatment with injectables! I want so bad for her to get started and have some babies! I have left over medicine that I plan to donate to her if her dr wants to use the same meds and I hope it gives her a miracle baby!!! She has been very supportive to me thru all this, and I appreciate it so much!

Speaking of appreciation, I should say how lucky I am to have SOOO many great people in my life. My parents will do ANYTHING under their power to help me. They want this so bad for me as well. My sister is not only an awesome support but a great shot giver! haha she has done several shots for me  (my brother did do one hehe). I have a loving brother and sister in law who keep me sane thru this. And most of all, I am so lucky to have Bob. He is already is a great dad, and will be wonderful to our baby(ies)!!

ahhh this is really happening....

Almost My Birthday!

I should be so excited about my birthday, but Im just not! I mean I'm kinda excited, but my mind is elsewhere! I am so ready to start my injections and get going on this IVF. Im getting impatient lol.

Here is my schedule they gave me

1/18- last birth control pill
1/20- ivf class
1/21-sign ivf papers and bloodwork
1/22- starting follistim and repronex
1/24- blood work
1/25- blood work
1/26- start ganirelix injections
1/27- blood work, ultrasound
1/29- blood work, ultrasound
1/30- blood work, ultrasound, hcg trigger
2/1- egg retrieval

We plan to do a 6 day transfer. i dont know if that means we will transfer on the 6th or 7th. But I should know if it works by Valentines day! That has to be a good sign! Man I just want this to work, not sure how much more emotions I can handle.

So, wow, that is a lot of doctor appointments. I really hope everything goes well at work and everyone understands. It will only be two weeks of missing some time, so I hope there are no problems. Everyone I work with knows what this means to me.

Im off to make some more bows! I have been selling a decent amount! YAY!

Positive!!!

Attitude that is, not test. I  have decide I am going to try my hardest to stay positive thru this IVF. After my transfer Im going to "assume" that it worked and act like it did, instead of being down and depressed. I have heard a theory if you think positive thoughts and pretend what you want is already happening, it can help it happen. The positive energy couldnt possibly hurt so I figure, why not??

Anyway... HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I am really excited that 2010 is over with and 2011 is here. 2010 was one of the hardest years of my life. From finding I have endometriosis, to multiple surgeries, to finding my left tube is blocked. I want to start this year out with a BFP! I am hoping this year is life changing for me. Just the thought that i could have my very own child (or two!) by the end of the year is making me so nervous and excited! I really have a chance now!

I cant stop wondering what my child(ren) will look like. Would my little girl have my curly red hair? Would my boy look like his daddy? Oh the possibilities! Its really interesting!! And how am I going to choose a name! They will have to live with the name for their entire life, so I want it to be perfect. This is going to be so much fun!

Now what im not looking forward to start of this year, is this week at work. This should be a very busy week for us. We will be entering everyones new insurance cards for the year, which takes extra work. Some of the newer technicians are still learning how, so that can be frustrating. Lots of older people have been waiting for the first of the year so they could fill their prescriptions so they are out of the "donut hole". Its just going to be a long week! But maybe that is a good thing? I would like this week to go by fast! I wanna start my injections already! LOL

Waiting...

Ok, so I'm already getting impatient! I want it to be January already! I had another negative test today, which I assumed. I had stopped taking my progesterone last night because I didnt think I would get a postive. I just want to get moving to the next cycle. I wont be trying this cycle, but I will have a CD3 ultrasound to check on my ovary and tube. I dont want to worry about the meds this cycle because I think I just need a break from the emotion before surgery and IVF.

Tonight I hung out with my sister at the kids basketball games. I sold my first headband! I can't wait for the games at the highschool because I think I will sell a lot more. There will be more people at those games. That will be after the new year. I have considered getting one of those jackets where you just open it up and your goods are displayed (like the guys that sell the stolen watches on movies) haha.

Earlier today after hanging out with the worlds greatest momma, I visited at my sisters house. She babysits in her home for a living. Right now she is watching two of my cousins that are babies. One is like 7 weeks old, his name is Jayce. He is very adorable and I got to give him his bottle today. The other is Logan who is like 11 months old. He is a miracle baby that give me more hope than anything right now. His momma has endometriosis too. They weren't sure if she would ever get preggo but it finally happened NATURALLY! While I dont have the patience they have, its still inspiring. He is also cute as can be! I was burping Jayce and he came over and started patting his back! It was adorable.

Wow its weird to think that this time next year I may just have a baby of my own. What will he/she look like? My life will be so different!! And my dr says 50% chance of twins, yea my life wil be DIFFERENT! lol I cant wait until my first ultrasound. It will be exciting to see how many babies are in there! Instead of counting eggs! haha

I guess i shouldnt be surprised!

WOW. Life really knows how to throw it at ya. I found out tonight that a close friend/co-worker is pregnant. I really didnt need something else to deal with at this point. Please let me be pregnant. Please. Tomorrow is 8 DPO and im sure the test will be BFN again, but i guess im looking for a miracle. Not sure how much more my emotions can take!!! GRRRR. When will it be my turn!? I think i have been patient enuf already! Im done being patient! I find out wed if i get to do ivf and when. Also if i have to have another surgery first.

I HAVE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING SO BAD!

Sorry this post is so  depressing but it helps me to vent! I have been staying pretty strong! But now ive cracked. I hope i have the strength for tomorrow.

Snow please close the roads so i can stay in bed all day.

Decisions, decisions!!

I really wish I could go back to when I was a kid. Life was so much easier! (Even though I didn't think so then! LOL) The hardest decisions we had to make were what to play with, who to be friends with, what tv show to watch... MAN that is the life! Now I'm a big girl, in the middle of my big girl world. AND I WANT OUT! haha

Ok on to the decisions I have made and have to still make. First off, I decided to cancel this months IUI. It started because Bob just learned today that he has to work on Saturday, and the IUI was scheduled for Sat. But I was thinking about it, and I dont feel like stressing over it this month. We are going to still try "naturally" lol.

Now for the next decision, I'm calling my RE tomorrow to ask for an IVF consult. I think this may be our best option. Bob has told me to do what ever needs to be done! My left tube was open 4 months ago and its already gone. So I just keep wondering, when will the right tube be taken over by Endo? I need to get pregnant ASAP. The good news is my between my insurance, HSA, and 401K (if needed) I think most of the IVF will be paid for and we will be able to afford at least one try at it! I am just way nervous that it wont work! Wish me luck!

On top of all this I think im getting sick. I can't get sick! I am coaching basketball and our first game is sunday!!!